Out-of-town caregivers and local siblings often face unique challenges when supporting aging parents. With open communication, gratitude, and shared structure, families can create a more balanced and supportive caregiving experience for everyone involved.
What challenges do out-of-town caregivers face in families?
The out-of-town son or daughter. It’s an interesting phenomenon, because the majority of families we work with have at least one child who lives out of town, and often one child who is local.
This creates an interesting dynamic. Very commonly, the brunt of the work and responsibility falls on the child who lives nearby. They’re more available, so they step in—often sacrificing their own time, family life, and work to make things happen for their parents. At first, it happens gradually and feels natural, but after years, it can lead to feelings of bitterness.
How does the local sibling experience caregiving responsibilities?
The local sibling often becomes the default caregiver. They’re the ones running errands, attending doctor’s appointments, and handling emergencies. Over time, this can become overwhelming. Even if it starts out feeling manageable, the ongoing nature of caregiving can lead to stress and, sometimes, resentment—especially if their efforts go unrecognized.
Why do out-of-town siblings feel guilt, and how does it affect family communication?
At the same time, the out-of-town child often feels guilty. When they come to visit, they’re sometimes shocked by how much their parent has declined since they last saw them. That guilt can show up as wanting to make decisions quickly, which can create tension with the local sibling. It’s sad, because most of the time, everyone’s heart is in the right place—they all care deeply about their parents—but communication misses happen.
What strategies help balance caregiving roles between siblings?
We’ve seen some families handle this really well. One strategy is creating a cadence for visits. The out-of-town child may not be able to come frequently, but committing to a monthly or quarterly visit gives parents something to look forward to—especially helpful for those with memory loss. It also relieves the guilt of constantly wondering, “Should I be there more?”
Another important piece is acknowledgment and gratitude. The workload will never be perfectly balanced, but expressing appreciation for the local sibling goes a long way. I’ve seen families do this beautifully—one daughter living in California regularly expressed gratitude to her brother who was providing day-to-day support. That recognition mattered.
How can out-of-town children contribute meaningfully?
The out-of-town child can still play a meaningful role. Many help manage finances remotely or assist with decision-making. Because they aren’t immersed in the daily details, they can often provide a clearer, more objective perspective.
What does successful collaboration between siblings look like?
I worked with a family where the local son was doing everything he could, but the family was hesitant about bringing in care. The out-of-town son stepped in thoughtfully—setting up caregiver interviews, coordinating with doctors, and involving both his brother and father in the process. His initiative helped move things forward in a collaborative way.
Being a local or out-of-town caregiver is never easy, but with communication, structure, and shared responsibility, families can support both their parents and each other more effectively.
“Out-of-town and local siblings both play vital roles in caring for aging parents. With honest communication and gratitude, families can navigate these challenges together.”
— David Morgan
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the role of an out-of-town caregiver?
An out-of-town caregiver often helps with decision-making, manages finances remotely, and provides an objective perspective for the family.
How can local siblings avoid burnout?
Local siblings can avoid burnout by sharing responsibilities, communicating openly with out-of-town siblings, and accepting help from outside resources when needed.
What are some ways to show appreciation for the local caregiver?
Regularly expressing gratitude, acknowledging their efforts, and offering support—either emotionally or practically—can help local caregivers feel valued.
David Morgan
About the Author
David Morgan’s experience combines non-profit work, health care, and entrepreneurship.
In the non-profit arena, David worked in Human Resources with Chuck Swindoll’s international ministry, Insight for Living, while completing a graduate degree at Dallas Theological Seminary. He currently leads a handful of innovative discussion groups and serves as an Elder at Trader’s Point Christian Church. David also wrote a book, Delivering Your Future, which helps young adults discover their calling and stay grounded in faith during college.
David has been the President of Senior Home Companions for more than a decade. SHC creates active and engaged lives through exceptional care for older adults. David was drawn to SHC because he was impressed with the dedication and compassion of the caregivers who attended to his grandparents. SHC has grown to have six locations in Indiana and Florida with 600 people serving older adults.
Most recently, David has created innovation in memory care. Story Cottages are first-of-their kind, exclusive Indy custom residences for those with memory loss. They provide peace of mind to family members, allowing their loved ones to reside in a comforting, neighborhood memory care home with premium safety features, surrounded by peers and a nurturing staff.
David graduated with an M.B.A from the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth College where he was an Edward Tuck Scholar. He also completed the Stanley K Lacey (LEAD) leadership program and has served on the Board for the Indiana Association of Homecare, the Private Care Association, and the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra.
David and his wife and their three boys enjoy a variety of outdoor adventures.
